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Saturday, May. 22, 2004 - 10:17 p.m.

It's been a very long time now. 10 months or so? Damn. I'd been wanting to come back but then my paid account ran out and I didn't have the money to get another one, so then my design looked all nasty, then I got lazy, and then it was just a matter of coming up with several hundred other reasons as to why I shouldn't update. I think it was avoidance. That and I got very involved in my RPG game where I protray Marc Blucas, which I mentioned in my last entry and I'm almost at the 2 year mark with. I've learned everything about the guy, worshipped him from afar practically and made him into me. Or made me into him. The line is blurred because the two of us could be identical minus the male/female aspect. Basically, the game consists of writing entries as if I were him and going on AIM and playing out 'real' life with other players who protray other characters. It can be draining but it also has been a great release for me since I got so tired of writing fanfiction and it's not my life. I can make decisions and screw up and do whatever and it's not me. It's a fictional character. There's a lot of backlash on the game because people think we're insane. Who spends life in front of a computer trying to play out another person's reality and you don't know them, will probably never know them instead of going out and living your own life? Yet again, more avoidance.

Okay, so back to what's been going on with me. If you go back and recap where I've been, which I had to do because I had no damn clue...I was at my new position at the video store and it was a month after my grandmother had died. I wasn't liking the new store at all and things in home life were going alright. For once in a very long time.

Okay, let's break this all down. First things first, the job situation. Things at the store got considerably worse and worse with the store manager. By the time 4 months had passed, I still had not been promoted and was being run into the ground by long hours, phone calls when I was home asking me to come in on my days off and for me to deal with problems that had nothing to do with me. We were having mystery shops done each month and the month before I got to that store, they'd gotten a 68. Once Christmas hit I had been on duty for each shop and scored us a 100 each time. That was 4 in a row. The store got statewide recognition for the great job and me? Well I got nothing. I started letting my work slip because I was stressed and pissed off. We started getting shoplifted a lot and when I worked? I didn't pay attention as well so it happened more on my shift. That was because I didn't much care if we did or not. I was more concerned with the customers and we were always short people and I told my boss and our district leader the same thing. They didn't much like that.

So, December rolls around. I worked a shift one night and the next morning $100 was missing. It was from a cash drop and I'm not going into deep description about that but we drop money from our drawer on a regular basis so as not to lose a lot if we get robbed and hopefully to deter being robbed. They were able to trace back that it was a cash drop, but we all pretty much were sure that it was anyway. Especially since all cash drops are in that increment or $150/$200. We always print two receipts for the cash drops. One to go in our tills and one to go in with the money that way we can keep track. Well, my slip was in my drawer but the money wasn't in the safe. I wasn't too worried. I knew I hadn't taken the money and I figured it would be found or they'd figure out someone else did it. Weeks went by and it wasn't found. They finally pulled out the security tapes to watch them. It showed when I'd pulled cash drops out of my drawer and at one point, I accidently stuck it in my pocket. Now...this happens a lot and not just with me. The safe isn't always right where we are and if we don't do the scheduled drops when it says to do them, then we can get fired, so sometimes people will stick them in their pocket till they can get back to it and drop it in. Well, it never got into the safe. I've had a problem once where I'd left it in my pocket and actually took it home but found it and took it right back. This time though? No such luck. So then they started investigating me. Okay, now lets think about this logically. If I'd wanted to steal money? I'd have taken more because I'd know if I got caught, no matter how much it was, I would have been fired and I know I couldn't get charged with petty theft or something like that unless it was over $500 or something. And then there's another thing, why put the receipt in my till so then they could see when I dropped it and they'd be able to trace it back to me? Maybe I'm that stupid, but no. Sorry. Also? I'd been there four years at the time, I had several people to vouch for my character and work ethic. Not only that but I was also trying to get a promotion! I wanted up the chain. I mean, "HELLO?", why do something that stupid if I wanted to get promoted?

More time passed. I worked my ass off over Christmas and had to work the holiday AND work a 12 hour shift. Did I also mention that I did several back to back shifts which I'd swore I'd never do again after my horrible car accident almost a year before? Fucked up. Finally in January, one manager up and quit one morning because of our store manager's attitude and such and on my shift 10 things go stolen. Someone or a few several people came in and did a number on me on a Sunday morning when it was just me and we got slammed with customers. I had two days off where I avoided my phone and on Wednesday when I went back to work? I was promptly fired.

I was so stunned that all I could ask was whether they were going to try and charge me with the money missing. But if they had tried to do anything like that? I was going to hire a lawyer. They fired me in a way that I couldn't sue them for. Which was because it's like a Class A violation for putting the money in my pocket, which means you can be fired right on site of it happening. Even though everyone else had done it, the money went missing when I did and they could pinpoint it. I wasn't sad at first. I was angry. Then I got sad and I think I'm still working through it even though it's 5 months later. I went two months with no job because no one was going to hire a manager who worked 4 years and then got know?

Finally I got a job with a temp agency and am now working at a job that I've been at for 3 months now. I answer phones for Allstate medical insurance company. Damn, I've got stories I could tell about that. Now people just yell at me over the phone instead of in person. But I get to sit all the time and I make $2 more an hour. ;) I get all holidays off and the most I can work is 8am to 8pm which just rocks in general. I think maybe I've made out like a bandit now. Except that I don't get paid time off so when I get sick? I'm screwed over.

Okay, this is long enough. I'll try and update tomorrow about everything else. There's a lot to get through.




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