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Wednesday, Sept. 11, 2002 - 2:02 a.m.

September 11th.

I could spend time trying to explain why I haven't written in the last couple of days, but I'm not really sure. I'm tired of trying to come up with excuses, lately I haven't felt like writing every day, but I'm still here and not leaving and if I get a spot on the island of Diary Survivor 4, I'll be around more for that.

September 11th.

The date is what I've been thinking a lot about the past couple of days. Probably because of the specials being run already, like MTV and HBO. In fact, all the talk now is making the effect of that day feel more real than it did last year. I remember feeling so...disconnected. Like it was happening and I should act a certain way, but I didn't. I didn't feel anything. Now, I feel everything. I feel sorrow for so many families and so many fallen heroes. I wonder if there's truly a God and if so, why did this happen? I wonder why people can believe in a cause so much that they would kill themselves over it. I wonder why it took something like this for everyone to come together and understand how grand our country really is. I'm scared for Parker. I have this paper journal that I'm keeping for him, writing letters at different times so that when he gets older he'll have something special just for him from me. I'm thinking of writing something to him about this day a year ago. He was only a small human in Luevonna's body and I think now of him as a little boy in this horrible, scary world.

I'm scared for his future.

I'm scared for all of us.




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