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Friday, Dec. 13, 2002 - 2:13 a.m.

So, it's now the dreaded 13th, when yesterday really felt more like the hated day...although, I haven't gotten through this day yet.

It feels like everyone is angry with me. Jennifer sees me now and acts like I should be acting differently with her. Like jumping for joy or something romotely equal. I haven't spoken to Jeremy in ages and ages. Luevonna is *still* putting my second, or maybe now it's like 4th or 5th in her life which at this point is just plain predictable.

I've got this nasty cold that still hasn't gone away and while I have it, I'm still going to work everyday, and Monday on my actual day off, I went over to the apartment and did Parker's laundry (since certain other people don't appear to know how) and I made tea for Luevonna and Eric whom are both sick also...know what I get in return?

Not one damn thing.

But, on the plus side, I got written up at work for that whole XBOX situation. By not following procedure. Oh, wait, that's not good news.

The good news? That's right, there is some, somewhere here. It looks like I'll actually get Christmas Eve off and all of Christmas day off. Thank goodness, because I get to spend most of it with Parker and *my* family. Which means I get to spend it with people that I love and that actually love me. Which isn't, Luevonna, Eric, or any of Eric or Luevonna's families.

I hate this, I really do. There is this Christmas party that Luevonna, Eric, and all her family is taking Parker to on Sunday. I've decided not to go. I'm tired of being a 3rd wheel and I'm not doing it anymore. I still have about a year or even two before Parker starts understanding where and when I am for him and until then, unless something changes, I'm not doing it. I just can't anymore. I don't know if it's because I'm still very depressed or if I'm just taking a new stand. I'm not about punishing Parker though. That's why I say that when he gets older and it really matters...I'll be there for him. Luevonna and Eric are the ones that are truly acting like kids here and I'm sick and tired of being civil and adult. You know where it gets me?

No where in hell.

I have a few more christmas gifts to get tomorrow or later next week and then I'm done. I wish I had an address for some of my online friends so I could send them a card or something via snail mail. I plan on sending my dear Heather, a care package come January when I get more money. I wish at times like these, I had more friends like her; her and Daizy; her, Daizy, and Lara. Oh, and I miss Katy also. I wish I could meet them all at one time and have a joint hug with all of them.

Now, that would almost be as good as a James Van Der Beek on my doorstep with a bow on his head. ;)




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