2001-04-16 - 11:55 a.m.
I've had about 12 hours of sleep, so now I think I can fully write about anything and everything I want to. :)
BTW, for anyone who even thinks it's true...no that's not *my* picture on this page nor is the one on the splash/entrance page of my website. That person is Dominique Swain. If you want to know what I look like (about 4 years ago, lol) you can go to my website and go to the pictures part, that's what I really look like, lol.
These past 4 days have been busy approving diaries for my "life" diaryring. I guess I could have just let everyone be approved, but my love of control wouldn't let me. Besides..I have come across some diaries/journals that haven't really fit into the category. I have about 45 members right now, it's weird, very weird.
Right now I'm listening to the Cruel Intentions soundtrack. I only mention that because last night I watched "Simply Irresitable" (sp?) If you haven't seen it and you love cheesy romance movies and like Sarah Michelle Gellar, you'll love this one. I like the chemistry among her and Patrick (the leading guy). That's what I want in my life... Not smoke fogging up the room while we float in the air, but romance. I wonder how long I have to wait or when I'll know when the right time will be for me to have a romance...if ever. Why can't I just have one? One guy, one romance for me. Someone to love me, show me love, whom I can hold hands with and that I can show that *I* love him. Even if it didn't last forever, just a little while. I guess this is coming from something that happened a couple of days ago. You see, I got an email from this guy in my city who found my name on this singles board that I put up ages ago. Now, I honestly hate internet romances, because I've had bad experiences with everyone on it. I've met guys that I've totally clicked w/online and then they dislike how I look or something and so, I wasn't thinking too much about this guy, but I figured talking to him, becoming friends wouldn't be so bad. We start writing, he likes movies, which I love, so we had an interest...he tells me about him, I tell him about me and he gives me his phone number and tells me where he hangs out. Then, the other day I get this email from him (this is exactly as I got it too)-
"I'm sorry if I confused you, but I can't go on like
this anymore. Telling people I don't even know this
and that about myself, when its all just a bunch of
lies anyway. You want to know the truth? The truth is
I'm not who I say I am, in fact, nobody knows who I
am. Not even me. Some days I feel better off dead than
alive. How fucking stupid can one be? I might as well
go eat worms, and swim a pool of my own piss and shit.
I'm such an asshole. I'm sorry if this upsets you,
truly I am. But the truth hurts, doughnut? Again, I
apologize for having to tell you this, but believe me,
you don't want to begin to get know the real me. Take
it from me kid, I'm the kind of guy no woman in her
right mind would wish to talk to. All that I've got
left to say is that I think it would be in your
interest if you and I kept our distance from each
other and pretend that neither of us ever spoke to one
another. Okay? Don't bother to write back, don't
bother to call, and especially don't bother to look
for me anywhere that I mentioned to you. Now if you'll
excuse me, I've got some nasty business to tend to.
Bye bye now. Take care."
Know what I'm doing- telling him he's a bastard.
Why is it always like that? I mean, I know women are hard to figure out, I have been nothing but confusing to Jared, I'm sure, but at the same time, he refuses to acknowledge anything I share with him about how I feel about him and then this guy...Men suck when it comes to women. Not only that, but my best friend Jeremy? He's a great friend, but he totally wouldn't be a good boyfriend, although I haven't seen him with any guys that he's dated.
What do I like in a guy? I actually made a list for that girlboy journal on here that's in my favorites list. There's a waiting list of about 6-8 weeks, but when it gets put up, I'll write and let everyone know. But the main thing? A guy who can admit that they don't understand women, that they don't know what we want and that their confused too. If they don't want to go out on a date, be honest, but be nice about it. If they don't like the way you look, just say so, but be nice. See, honesty is the key, but how you say something is the clincher. When you say nothing at all, that's when the other person knows. "Actions speak louder than words." It's a sad, but true fact.
Also, I have some awesome people writing in my guestbook, so if you want to leave me some notes on here, that's the best way to do it, although, I do read my email every day, if not more, lol.
As my last note for this entry, I must give a shout out about one particular journal on Diaryland from a simple guy that writes it like it is. Like I described above about how it's good when a guy gives honesty, this guy does that. Dude028 has an excellent journal. I finally sat down yesterday and read almost all of the entries, I was hooked. ;) And no..I'm not saying that to suck up or anything, because I don't normally recommend other diaries/journals on here, besides the big named ones or the ones I have listed as favorites. Well, that's it for now, I'll be back tomorrow, I'm sure of it, because I have the day off and I'll need something to do.
-AngelGirl95
