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Friday, Nov. 22, 2002 - 1:26 a.m.

Yes, you did see that I wrote my entry for this month's If...Project and in fact, I also wrote that article for the Diary Zine about my online friends. At some point, I'll put it up in here, because it probably isn't going to get put in the magazine. I rambled on so much that I probably didn't get the point across that I was trying so hard to show.

I should write about work. I should write about how I'm angry at just about everyone at my work place. I should say that I hate a girl named Dianne (the 46 year old CSR) very much. I could write in here about how it's unfair that even now (after 6 months), the other manager Saanjaay believes that I am a large part of why Eric isn't there anymore. I could write about how the new store manager, Kory, has decided I don't fit in his mold for the store and is trying to push me out of it. All of these things would be true and I just can't understand why.


What the hell did I do to anyone in that store to make them dislike me so much?

NO, I'm not happy a lot of the time that I'm there. I have to fix that, I know that. And...I can get so tired of them not listening to my requests that I start *ordering* them around to do stuff. I'm not leadership material. I'm just...not.

Which Kory has kindly pointed out to me once this week already. I guess he was trying to tell me something he thought was news to me. Stupid Kory, I already know stuff about myself, he needs to get with the program. ;)

The thing that gets me is that, I'm always at work. I've been sick some, yes, but if I have to miss work, I have a note. I don't ask for a lot of days off from work and if I do, it's really important. I'm flexible to work around, if someone needs to switch off, I'm there in a heartbeat to do it. I work hard and do my best with the resources in front of me and I accept blame for things that I do that are wrong. I'm nice and helpful to customers.

My downfalls- I can be late to work sometimes (not more than 10 minutes usually), I don't act like a manager. And what I mean by that is that I talk about employees with other employees (which I shouldn't do), I am either too nice and let things go by me that aren't appropiate or I'm too stern and seem like a dictator. Lately, I come into work with a bad attitude. I do my work, but not with a smile on my face. And as for customers- I can't look them in the eye when I talk to them (which is supposed to be a really important thing) and I've said things in front of them lately that aren't appropiate.

I just don't know how to fix the wrongs.




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