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Sunday, Sept. 15, 2002 - 2:06 a.m.

This has been a very shitty day.

Or, actually, yesterday.

First off, I was in a very bad car accident. Obviously, you can tell I'm not dead or anything because I'm writing, but it was very bad. I was making a left cutting through 3 lanes of traffic to go in the other direction of the street. I remember looking before pulling out and seeing a car, but I thought I had enough time. I didn't. An SUV going 45 (within the speed limit) slammed into my driver's side door, literally crushing it into me. My whole left side of my body is bruising as we speak and I have a large welt on my head. Thankfully, nothing is broken and the person I hit, they were fine. My car is demolished (my dad is furious), I got a $78 ticket for a moving violation of not yielding to oncoming traffic, and I'm sure the other car is going to sue for everything they can get..which in turn is going to make the insurance for everyone in this house astronomical. Not to mention the fact that we now only have one car to use, what with my dad working full time (and it too far for us to take him and then keep the car), my brother's clubs and soccer games, my working, and everything else.

Don't get me wrong now, please. From the second I got hit, I was worried sick about the other people. I wasn't even worried about myself, I was worried that I'd killed someone. I kept thinking it as they pulled me out of the car and helped me, I kept thinking I didn't deserve their help. In fact, everyone was running to me and finally someone went over to the other car. The police said that if they had been going any faster or if I didn't have my seat belt to keep me from flying across the would have been a much worse sight.

My mother, Luevonna, and Jennifer are all worried about me, but I just keep thinking about those other people. I'm sure their fine, but still, it bothers me so much. I know I looked, but I must have not seen well enough. I'd only had three hours of sleep, I had to close last night and didn't leave work until 2:30am and then I had to be back up there at work at 8am. So, I got up at 7:30. I got about 3-3 1/2 hours sleep and that was it. I was even trying to drink coffee to wake myself up. I'm wondering if I should even mention that to anyone at work. I don't want to get fired, but I was on the clock going to the bank to drop off the deposit, which falls under the workmen's compensation stuff. I'm not looking for any money or anything, the car insurance is going to pay for my lost wages and such. Right now I just hurt so badly and I know I did it to myself.

The other thing that happened was that my dog, Prince that was living at Luevonna's parents house had to be taken to the Humane Society today. Their landlord said they had to get rid of all the animals and none of us could find a home for him. They said they had no room for him so they'll most likely put him down. I loved that dog so much. He was a present to me from Luevonna and we rescued him from a pet shop where he was being treated poorly. I thought we were saving him but after about a year at that home, he had bad fleas, we couldn't get him his heartworm pills and he ended up with heartworm. I paid for him to have the surgery for it to be removed and he was fine, but he never had any other dogs to play with and he was always hot because he never was in air-conditioning and he had a thick coat of hair. Once I left the house, her mom and grandmom just left him outside all the time with his food and water. He was only 3 years old and so sweet, he loved children and people and was such a great guard dog. He was so big though that it was hard finding anyone interested. It's not fair to him that he has to go like this. He loved me and Luevonna so much and we did this to him.

Just thinking about him gone because I couldn't do something makes me cry more.

So, someone's life has been changed and an animal's life ended because of my carelessness.

And everyone keeps telling me that God spared my life today.

Why the hell for?




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