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Wednesday, Sept. 04, 2002 - 3:44 a.m.

IF... Project" SEPTEMBER 2002

If your life could be remembered by the entire world for only one reason, what would you want that reason to be? What would you like to accomplish or achieve that will make the world speak your name centuries from now?

I've been thinking about this question a lot since I first got the email about it a few days ago. That's the type of person that I am. When I get involved in collabration projects, I put a lot of thought into them, much more than maybe I should. Although, it helps me to understand myself better. This question has had me stumped because when I would think about being remembered, in general, by everyone it seems easy to answer, but when I get a specific question about it, I want to make sure that I say just the right thing.

You see, all my life I have been about popularity. About getting the friends, doing what everyone else expected of me, but still not fitting in for one reason or another. When I think of the talents and characteristics that make me me and it's easy because I know what I like about myself and what I'm good at. Singing, for one. Writing, for another. I'm very trusting with secrets, I help out people who have less than me and don't expect anything for it. I'm generous with my money and with my time. I'm loyal to a fault, even if I think that I hate a friend for life, I would still go back given the right circumstances, because to me, friends are for life. When I love, I never stop loving, even if it's just in another way of loving than before.

But now? When I think about what I want to be remembered for to everyone...

It's nothing.

Because I don't want to do anything or change anything about myself to be remembered by everyone. I only want to be truly remembered by my son, Parker. He is the only person that I would like to do something to help him see me forever. I want to learn how to forgive people around me. I want to learn how to live life one day at a time instead of in whole parts. For him to know the simple act of loving another like I love him for even a brief moment. And all these things that I want to learn, I want him to see and remember of me.

Because before him, I never knew what it was truly like to live for another. I never truly knew what it was like to love another person, with no reservations and no excuses. I never realized how doing nothing at all can really be the most fun on earth. The only thing I want to be remembered for, is that I accomplished those very things.

People can spend their whole lives looking for those very feelings, but it's worth every second of agony that comes from it. And when you find it?

You'll realize that it's the only thing you want to be remembered for also, even if it's just to be remembered by one person, instead of the whole world.




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