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Wednesday, Nov. 20, 2002 - 1:07 a.m.

Yes, I'm finally doing IT. Now, I can feel proud.


If you have five minutes to make an impression on someone you are meeting

for the first time, what will they see? How closely does the image you project reflect the inner you?

I've been thinking long and hard about what to write for this particular question. Which is one of the many reasons why I love this project, because it gets me thinking about things that are actually worth while in my life.

The only way I thought I could really figure out how someone would see me on the outside was by looking at a picture of myself. While staring, I realize that I don't take a good picture. ;) But that's beside the point, you know?

I'm sure in the five minutes that they stare at me, they think that I look worried and/or confused. This would be correct because I'm usually worried about one thing or another. I'm sure I look like I don't care much for my appearance, which wouldn't be correct, I just don't know *how* to care about my appearance, since I feel ugly usually.

The thing is, is that I don't think appearance is the best way to tell something about someone, because mine doesn't really reflect anything truly about myself. When you look at me you can't tell that I suffer from depression. You can't see how much I feel love or hate in my life. You can't see what worries me or what scares me. You can't tell what's really going on in my head. It's gotten to the point where I don't hide how I'm feeling, but more what I'm feeling. Which more means that someone can tell I'm sad, but it's much harder to figure out what I'm sad about. Digging deeper into my soul is something you just can't do by looking in my eyes because they only go so far down.

I only wish that when people looked at me, they'd want to know more about me. They'd want to ask me the very questions that lurk in them once they stare at me in that five minutes. I think it would be much better if everyone did that when they take that first look. Then we would all see that in many ways, we're all the same and yet so very different at the same time.




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