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Monday, Mar. 10, 2003 - 12:09 a.m.

Ha, ha!

Yes, I'm here. Again.

I finally felt the urge to write since I just attended a wedding on Saturday. It was for kerigirl's dad, whom is also my godfather. My parents and I all went together. It was a beautiful ceremory, truly it was. Her dad looked so happy, more happy than I think I ever saw in all the years I was a little girl, but then, I may not know that much. It was on the penthouse of a hotel overlooking the ocean, but since it was a cloudy day, it wasn't as great of an outlook. I was introduced to everyone as the "goddaughter" and met family members of his that I hadn't seen since I was a baby. Which means, I knew none of them. Keri was there but I was a little frightened to go up and say anything, since I wasn't sure if she'd even know who I was, let alone want to talk to me at all. I've tried numerous times to talk to her via online, but never really gotten anywhere at all. Finally when we all went up to catch the bouquet, she said my name, so I guess she did know who I was. I wanted to catch that darn thing too..but alas, I didn't. But damn, Keri's new step-brother is one hot guy! I wish I knew the family more so I could get to know him better.

I sat for quite awhile just watching the two newlyweds dance together, laughing and kissing thinking about how I want that so much in my life. Someone to be my other half, to spend the rest of my life with, to have a family with. Someone who loves me for me no matter what, and whom I love enough to make that sort of lifetime commitment with. During the ceremony, they both mouthed "I love you" as I've seen so many times in the movies and I almost cried. I feel a little more sad and a little more lonely now, but in an almost soothing way, not that I'm sure that makes any sense at all.

Parker's first birthday came and went. It was a nice celebration, although I wish it could have been with a few more special people attending and not so much tension about my role in everything. We still haven't went to get his birthday photos done, but once we do, I intend to post some pictures here for everyone to see. He got his first haircut, so now he's head is all cut down, instead of the big bowl of hair he had sticking out everywhere like before. It was really looking horrible by that last week. He's walking everywhere now, and knows how to blow kisses now to people. He still won't say "momma" for the life of him and walks everywhere saying "dada" as much as he can. It's driving me nuts. *laughs* I still get to see him about 3 times a week now, as I watch him when Luevonna is working. I feel like him and I have a good relationship now, although I still think I don't see him nearly enough. I miss him terribly if I go more than 3 days not seeing him, like right now. I haven't seen him since Thursday and I won't until Tuesday now. I think sometimes like he's going to forget who I am and who I represent in his life. Luevonna and Eric assure me that won't happen. Hmph. I don't know.

I'm trying..really trying to keep this thing updated. Let's see how long it takes this time till the next.



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