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Monday, Jan. 13, 2003 - 4:08 a.m.

I haven't seen or talked with Luevonna or Parker since last Wednesday.

That means that I haven't seen Parker's smile, heard his laugh in almost 6 days.

I was crying last night about it. I miss him so very much and I'm not sure why I haven't called Luevonna to see how he is or to go see him. I was even off this past Friday and didn't see him. It wasn't because I didn't want to. I wanted to. I want to see him right this minute. I miss him terribly.

I knew Eric was going to be home from Thursday till yesterday and I knew that Luevonna would rather have spent her time with him while he was home. I know that's why she didn't call me. She didn't need me and she obviously thought that Parker didn't need me either. It's always like that. When daddy makes time for Luevonna and son, it's drop everything time and make that time for daddy. But when it comes to what Mommy wants, I'll be damned if anyone drops anything for me.

I hate Luevonna. I do.

I hate Eric. I do.

Yes, people would say that I shouldn't hate, that it only fuels the flames of an already burning high fire.

I don't care.

I hate how they put their relationship above everyone else. I hate how neither one of them cares what I feel about any particular situation. I hate how they just assume that anything I say is wrong, even when it's so damn clear that I'm right. I hate being the one who has to point out the negative because neither one of them wants to see that side of life.

And this entry is only pissing me off further. I need sleep.

Oh, and I miss having friends.




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