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Monday, Nov. 11, 2002 - 11:58 p.m.

I'm actually updating again so soon.

I've been downloading Christmas songs lately from Morpheus to get ready for the holidays. I download and then I burn, thus, giving me new CD's to play in my car for a month or so.

It's interesting that I'm doing that since I'm dreading the holidays horribly. I keep seeing myself walking into Eric's apartment and seeing their tree standing up. Their presents under it. Their first christmas together ornament. You know those incredibly wonderful, yet, pointless ornaments that say "Our First Christmas Together" and then the date under it? I have one for Luevonna and I. I asked her yesterday when I went ballistic what the hell I was supposed to do with the damn ornament. Throw it against the wall? Toss it in the trash? Hold on to it in hopes of us getting back together? I just don't know anymore and I'm not moving past her. I'm not moving past anything it appears.

I actually felt so badly that when I went to the library the other day, I got this book called "What To Do When Your Lover Leaves You."

God, I'm ashamed to say that even in here. Luevonna was with me and I joked about the title and then when she turned around, I put it under my little stack I was carrying. I'm hopeless.

Plain hopeless.




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