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Monday, Oct. 07, 2002 - 1:53 p.m.

Well, this past weekend was eventful to say the least.

My father found a car for me on Saturday that I just absolutely love to pieces. It's a 94' Nissan Sentra Limited Edition with about 92,000 miles with is really good for that year. It has power everything, the color is this candy apple red, and the inside looks brand new from the dealership. I'd love it more if it were a little bigger in size and if it didn't have a ton of little scratches and the paint chipping off in some places, but's perfect for me. :)

My brother turned 15 on Saturday also, which was a big event because now he's going to practice to be the next driver in the family. Let's hope he's better than the rest of us, lol.

Also, my father is on a manic (high) phase right now. I'm sure I've mentioned in here about his bipolar(manic-depressive) disorder that he has. He's usually more depressive than anything, but for the last 3 days he's been running around, happy, and very high strung. Then there's my mom who can't even keep her head on straight because she's getting worse.

And me? I went and saw my meds doctor today and he's putting me back on the Prozac to see if I feel any difference and if not, he'll try something else, but he's also watching me for my dad's disorder as well.

This is the first time that I've actually felt like writing a real entry in here in almost a week. I've been feeling this pressure to write something upbeat or more positive after all the "Luevonna and Eric" talk I've done since she left me. Once I wasn't chosen for Diary Survivor 4, I think I really believed that I was just being to damn negative. Which is exactly the feeling I don't want to have about this journal.

I need to be able to write whatever I want in here and not worry about whatever someone reads and dislikes. It's how I feel about everyone else that I read (and even don't read) and it's how I would hope people would precieve me. This is really the only place that I can come to and try to work out all the things that are so clear to everyone around me, but not myself. And I think that's what it's really all about. People hear and read things about others and know exactly what should be done or what should be said, but it's about the actual person knowing that themselves. You can talk until your face turns blue but until a person actually realizes themselves what needs to be done, it's effortless to form an opinion about them not following the advice you give them. That's all I have to say about that topic. (At least in this entry anyway.)




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